Embarking on a surrogacy journey is a deeply personal and transformative experience for intended parents. Those who opt for agency guidance and support are loadsharing the responsibility and decision-making for arguably one of life’s most significant projects – the building of family.
While being involved in the process can foster a deeper connection and sense of fulfillment, it’s essential to recognize when anxiety and the understandable impulse to micromanage may inadvertently hinder a journey’s progress, rather than facilitate the process. Let’s delve into why excessive worry and control can be detrimental and offer insights into fostering a more positive surrogacy experience.
For the majority, surrogacy is a brand new experience, with no practical history to refer to for perspective. With this in mind, why do intended parents struggle relinquishing control to medical professionals and experts in the field? Where does the anxiety and common need to manage the surrogacy process come from?
Emotional Investment: The desire to become parents and the emotional investment in the surrogacy process can fuel heightened anxiety. You may worry about the outcome, the surrogate’s well-being, and the logistics of the journey.
Control Issues: Surrogacy involves entrusting another person with the gestation and birth of your child, potentially the greatest exercise in trust you will ever face. This can trigger feelings of loss of control. Intended parents may attempt to regain a sense of control by micromanaging various aspects of the process.
Fear of the Unknown: Surrogacy is often uncharted territory for intended parents, and uncertainty about the future or what to expect can fuel anxiety. You may seek to alleviate this anxiety by closely monitoring every detail of the journey.
Previous Experiences and Disappointments: Past experiences with infertility, pregnancy loss, or failed fertility treatments can exacerbate anxiety during the surrogacy journey; especially for intended mothers. It is very normal to fear history repeating itself and micromanaging may feel like a proactive attempt to prevent any potential setbacks.
High Expectations: Most intended parents have high expectations for their surrogacy journey and may worry that any deviation from their plans could jeopardize the outcome. This pressure to achieve a specific result can contribute to heightened anxiety and a tendency to want to take ‘the reigns’ in decision making.
Lack of Control Over the Biological Process: Unlike traditional pregnancies where intended parents have direct control over the pregnancy, surrogacy involves relying on another person to carry and fulfill the gestational piece. This lack of agency can lead to increased fear and a desire to steer processes.
How can your journey be negatively affected?
While involvement is crucial, it’s essential to acknowledge when anxiety and micromanaging can be detrimental, to recognize your feelings, communicate openly with your surrogacy team, and seek support to navigate the journey with greater ease and confidence.
Trust Erosion: One of the cornerstones of a successful surrogacy journey is trust – trust between intended parents, the surrogate partner, and the surrogacy agency. Constant anxiety and micromanaging can erode this trust, leading to strained relationships and communication breakdown. Your surrogacy team is well-practiced in this regard but as a result can tailor communication to a manageable schedule which can sometimes be interpreted as a loss. It’s crucial for intended parents to trust the expertise of the professionals involved and allow the process to unfold naturally.
Increased Stress: Surrogacy journeys can be emotionally taxing
for all parties involved, but overwhelming anxiety and micromanaging, with no experience to rely on, only serve to exacerbate stress levels. You should prioritize self-care and seek healthy outlets for managing anxiety, whether through therapy, support groups, or mindfulness practices. A more relaxed and optimistic mindset can positively influence the entire surrogacy journey.
Surrogate Impact: Surrogacy is a deeply personal and intimate experience for your surrogate partner, and excessive worry or micromanaging from intended parents can make her feel undervalued or untrusted. It’s essential for intended parents to respect their surrogate carrier’s autonomy and recognize her role as a partner in the journey, rather than solely a means to an end. Journey Stagnation: While it’s natural for intended parents to want everything to go perfectly, it’s essential to recognize that some aspects of the surrogacy process are just beyond your control, or your agency’s or science. Micromanaging every detail, especially with a lack of experience, can create unnecessary tension and frustration. Learning to relinquish control and embrace uncertainty can lead to a more fulfilling and rewarding journey which can help processes move more efficiently for a successful result.
How can your journey be positively influenced?
For intended parents, it’s almost a dance, keeping a journey wellbalanced – moving forward with efficiency and trusting your surrogacy team to manage with your best-interest in mind, while also providing needed input and being connected to the process. Being actively involved in your surrogacy journey is encouraged and offers numerous benefits.
Emotional Connection: Involvement allows intended parents to establish a profound emotional connection with their surrogate partner, their team and the entire process, fostering trust and understanding.
Personalized Experience: Intended parents who are actively involved can participate in decision-making, ensuring that the surrogacy journey aligns with their values, preferences, and expectations.
Support System: Actively engaging in the journey provides intended parents with a robust support system, including professionals, support groups, and fellow intended parents, offering guidance and reassurance throughout.
Bonding Opportunities: Involvement creates opportunities for intended parents to bond with their surrogate, fostering a supportive and respectful relationship that can even endure beyond the surrogacy journey if desired by both parties.
Striking a Beautiful Balance
For intended parents, finding the balance between involvement and detachment is really the key to navigating a successful surrogacy journey. Here’s how:
Open Communication: Maintain open and honest communication with your surrogate partner and surrogacy professionals, expressing your needs, concerns, and expectations respectfully while considering timezones, working hours and appropriate frequency levels.
Trust the Process: Trust in the expertise of your surrogacy agency and healthcare providers, allowing them to guide you through the journey with confidence and compassion.
Self-Care: Prioritize self-care and stress management techniques to mitigate anxiety and promote overall well-being throughout the surrogacy journey.
Being an involved intended parent can enrich the surrogacy experience, fostering meaningful connection and personalized outcomes. However, it’s essential to recognize when anxiety and micromanaging may detract from the journey’s positivity and progress. By striking a delicate balance between involvement and detachment, intended parents can navigate the surrogacy journey with grace, gratitude, and resilience.
Be Parent is committed to supporting intended parents every step of the way, providing guidance, reassurance, and compassionate care throughout the surrogacy journey. Reach out to our Journey Team to learn more about our services and how we can help you build your longed-for family.
