Deciding to embark on a surrogacy journey is a monumental step toward building your family. You may decide to keep it private and to yourself, or you may want to bring your friends, family, and employer in on the news. While this might seem straightforward, it can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. Don’t worry—as your go-to support team we’re here to guide you through potential pitfalls and help you navigate any bumps along the way.
Telling Friends – When Support Meets Curiosity
Friends are the family we choose, right? Here’s how to break the news to them without breaking a sweat:
The Straightforward Approach: You could gather your closest friends and share your news directly. “We’re excited to tell you that we’ve decided to grow our family through surrogacy!”. Whether it’s over coffee, at a girls’ night in, or during a virtual happy hour, share your news in a way that feels natural. Your friends will appreciate your honesty and might even throw in a few celebratory toasts!
Fun Idea: Host a “Future Parents” party. It’s like a baby shower but focused on your journey. Share your plans, your hopes, and get everyone excited about the arrival of your little one.
Troubleshooting:
- Curiosity Overload: Friends might pepper you with questions, from “Why surrogacy?” to “How does it work?” While it’s great that they care, this can sometimes feel overwhelming or awkward.
Response: Gently guide the conversation. “I’m so glad you’re interested! It’s been a big decision for us, and we’d love to share more. Here’s what we’re comfortable discussing…” Setting boundaries is key.
- Unintended Insensitivity: Some friends might ask questions that feel insensitive, like “Why not adopt?” or “Why not have your own kids?” or “Must be nice”.
Response: Stay calm and educate. Share what you feel comfortable sharing. You owe your choices to no-one at the end of the day – they’re yours. “We explored all our options, and surrogacy felt like the best fit for us. Every path to parenthood is different, and this one felt right for our family.”
Telling Family – When Love Meets Tradition
Family dinners just got a whole lot more interesting! Whether your family is super supportive from the get-go or full of curious questions, it can be important to get them on board. Family members often want what’s best for you but might have concerns or misconceptions.
Family Gathering: If possible, tell your family in person. It allows for a more heartfelt conversation and helps you address their emotions directly. Choose a cozy setting—think Sunday brunch or a casual dinner. Start with a little suspense (“We’ve got some exciting news!”) and then dive into the details. Be ready for some happy tears, a few hugs, and maybe a curious cousin or two asking about how it all works.
Fun Idea: Make it a game! Create a mini quiz about surrogacy facts or bust some myths to keep things light-hearted and informative.
Troubleshooting:
- Concerns About the Surrogacy Process: Family members might worry about the legal, ethical, or emotional aspects of surrogacy.
Response: Reassure them with facts. “We’ve done extensive research and are working with professionals to ensure everything is handled with care and respect.”
- Emotional Reactions: Some family members may have strong reactions, from excitement to shock or even concern.
Response: Validate their feelings. “I understand this might be surprising or new to you. We felt the same way at first, but we’re confident in our decision and hope you’ll support us on this journey.”
- Generational Gaps: Older family members might struggle with the concept of surrogacy.
Response: Be patient and provide context. “I know this might be different from what you’re used to, but surrogacy is a beautiful way to build a family. We’d love to share more about it with you.”
Telling Your Employer – Balancing Professionalism and Personal Life
Telling your employer and colleagues might seem nerve-wracking, but it’s all about planning ahead and being confident in your decision. Schedule a one-on-one meeting with your boss to explain your surrogacy plans and how it might affect your work schedule. Be clear about your needs, whether it’s time off, flexible hours, or remote work options. Remember, this is about sharing your exciting life update, not just a logistical change. Keep it professional but personal enough to convey the importance of the news.
Fun Idea: Create a “Surrogacy 101” flyer for your colleagues if your work culture permits. It’s a simple, light-hearted way to inform them about the process and what it means for you and your work life. Plus, it might cut down on those awkward questions in the break room.
Troubleshooting:
- Workload Concerns: Your employer might worry about how your surrogacy journey will impact your work, especially if you need to take time off to travel abroad for birth.
Response: Address this proactively. “I wanted to discuss how we can manage my workload during key times in the surrogacy process. I’m committed to my role and am happy to plan ahead to ensure everything runs smoothly.”
- Legal and HR Questions: Your employer might need guidance on how to handle your situation from a legal or HR perspective, especially if they’ve never dealt with surrogacy before.
Response: Offer to connect them with resources or suggest that they consult with HR. “I understand this might be new territory, and I’m happy to provide any information you might need or suggest some resources to help navigate this.”
- Colleague Reactions: Depending on your workplace, you might also need to prepare for reactions from colleagues once the news is shared.
Response: If needed, have a plan for communicating with your team. You might say, “I’m planning to share this news with the team, and I’d appreciate your support in ensuring a positive response.”
Handling Challenges with Grace
- Stay Grounded: Remember, this is your People’s reactions are often more about their own experiences and understanding than about you.
- Keep the Focus Positive: Share your excitement and confidence in your decision. Enthusiasm is contagious, and your optimism will help guide the conversation.
- Provide Resources: Sometimes, people react out of fear or lack of knowledge. Offering resources—like articles, books, or even a brief explanation—can help them understand and feel more comfortable.
- Set Boundaries: It’s okay to limit the discussion to what you’re comfortable sharing. “This is what we’ve decided, and we’re really happy with our choice. We appreciate your support” is a polite way to close off any unwanted advice or opinions.
Remember, sharing your surrogacy plans is a big step, but with a little preparation and a lot of love, you can navigate these conversations with confidence. You’ve chosen a beautiful path to parenthood, so, take a deep breath, put on your biggest smile, and let the world in on your wonderful news. You’ve got this!
